Eight Things I’ve Learned from Superhero Movies

I love watching superhero movies. I’m not a comic book reader and I don’t really have a preference between DC or Marvel (although I must say Marvel has done quite well for themselves recently). But I love how superhero movies are so epic and, when done well, really make you wish you could be a superhero yourself. But from the numerous movies that I’ve seen with superheroes, there are eight things I’ve picked up.

1) Don’t live in big cities. Oh sure, it may be a point of pride that you live in such a big cool place that everybody wants to destroy but is it really worth the skyrocketing insurance rates? And there is always the possibility you’ll end up as one of the hostages when some bad guy decides to push your resident superhero to his limit.

Sure it looks cool, but imagine trying to get to work through the mess of a city that’s left when these guys are done. And it’d probably be a Monday too.

2) Don’t make people angry. Really. Don’t. Because that guy you just cut off changing lanes? Well guess what. He’s a super scientist. And you cutting him off means he’s going to miss his job interview this morning which will tip him over the edge and turn you into his Enemy #1. And he will do everything in his power to make you pay.

All Bruce Wayne did was give Dr. Edward Nygma a polite “no” and Nygma just goes crazy! Next thing you know, Joker’s running wild through Gotham.

3) Science will be involved. Kinda. It won’t make much sense probably, even if you know science stuff. I don’t, but I think it’s funny that Captain America’s shield is made from Vibranium. Spiderman gets his superpowers from a spider bite that changes his DNA. And Tony Stark creates a new element by connecting some tubes and directing a laser. If I had known science could be this easy and fun with such awesome results maybe I would have tried to like it more in school!

Seriously, how does this work?

4) It’s best if you don’t have parents. Hate to be a downer here but if you’re looking into the superhero route, best to let your parents/beloved guardian(s) know beforehand. At least give them the chance to hide or break all ties with you. Or maybe they will be happy to know that their untimely death is what pushes you to save the world.

Sad Batman.

5) If you’re going to be bad, have fun with it. If superhero movies have taught me anything it’s that bad guys always lose. So if you have to be the bad guy enjoy it while it lasts. Make up a silly evil name like Dr. Doom or Red Skull (if you’re not very clever, using a name that simply describes a physical characteristic is totally appropriate). And please, let’s see a cool costume.

He might not have the coolest name but do you really want to make a leather wearing Nazi who has no skin on his face mad?

6) Your secret base/lair will never be as secret/impenetrable as you think. I don’t care what kind of fancy bells and whistles you put in or around your living premises, somebody’s going to find it. And they’re going to know exactly what it’s going to take to destroy it.

Sometimes the best way to hide something is put it in plain sight. Not that that stopped Stryker and Co. from breaking and entering.

7) Heels and tight clothes are apparently much more comfortable than I’ve been led to believe. If you’re a woman and you want to be a superhero you have to have a skintight costume. And heels. I don’t know why because skintight makes it hard to move and heels hurt your feet. But you make the fanboys happy!

She’s in heels. Running. And that suit doesn’t look very stretchy to me, but that must not be important when you’re kicking butt.

A strong contender for worst superhero costume ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8) Be prepared. Superheroes never know what’s going to happen or when it’s going to happen. That’s why smart heroes are always at the ready. Whether it’s Clark Kent tearing off his shirt in phone booths (ohmygoodness how does he change now?) or Tony Stark and his numerous suits, a good hero plans for every circumstance.

Wearing spandex all the time must be awful on the skin. But Clark Kent’s a true superhero and he knows how to live the life.

 

So that’s what I’ve learned. I’d love to hear what other people have picked up!

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